It Tore Me Up

Yesterday I drove to Bristol Regional Hospital to see my friend Peggy, who has been in this paticular hospital for over a month.  Her situation  progressively worsens.  She is dying from cancer and its treatments.  A stronger will to live I've never seen from anyone else.  Hers is a so-sad picture to look upon.  Her struggles have been for almost three years.  It all started with cancer on her tongue.  The tongue was removed at Vanderbilt in Nashville.  Later, the cancer developed in her neck again removed at Vanderbilt with a stay of another month there;  Peggy thinks it was a successful removal but it wasn't and most likely still spreading.but she was sent home by ambulance both times, but ONLY after the decision to send her home via her son's truck.  an incomprehensible decision by Vanderbilt.  On a ventilator for almost a month after admittance to Bristol.


She has practically spent these years in hospitals or specialty nursing homes with highly intensive treatments.  Seems the more they do, the more she declines.  It's just a matter of time.  Peggy is tall and carried her weight well.  Now she weighs only 87 lbs.  A grief for those of us watching this happen. Liquid feeding thru a tube has been going on since the beginning.  For much of that time,  she has some bad vomiting bouts.  Recently it erupted FROM THE TUBE.  For some time they didn't feed her because of vomiting.  Then she began to lose her weight faster.  We learned yesterday Peggy has a hernia that is reaching all the way into her esophagus and word of plans to operate!  She will never make it.  Vanderbilt had already informed her in June of her chances and quality of life in any way normal.  WHY ARE THEY CONTINUING TO INVADE to make her better?  Could you answer that question?


She communicates with her little writing board and pen.  Her mind is completely intact, except when she was very drugged.  Speechless and bed-fast, unable to sit up because of terrible head pains.


 Today, the neck surgery incision has mainly healed but she lies there with a trach and fully unable to utter a sound.  Arms entwined in tubes. Her eyes tell me so much.

 Peggy will soon be 65 and has the clearest skin I've seen.  Only slight wrinkles at her forehead,  No blemishes whatsoever.  A beautiful lady, to be sure.  What will be will be BUT never doubt the power of prayer.  Her attitude is always calmness and a weak but ready smile and concern for everyone else.  A heart of gold.  She informed me her care at Bristol is the BEST.  They know - Compassion is a very necessary emotion and the nurses have it.


She has used an instrument to remove saliva when it gathered, for if not she would strangle to death, being unable to swallow ever, after the first operation.  From her last bout at Vanderbilt, she went to a local nursing home, the one where my father resided unhappily some years ago.
Her saliva tube was STOLEN; it was to be returned as government property; not to be.  Her very expensive new shoes STOLEN  or Misplaced when she left there for Bristol Hospital; also some just purchased new clothes.  (My thoughts on that I will keep to myself today; except to say it is a horrible and common occurrence in medical institutions).


One issue no one can understand or change is the fact the Vanderbilt has all along REFUSED to interact with medicals here regarding Peggy.  This absolutely in very hindering, I'm sure.  WHY has this situation happened?  It should never have and surely is total lack of concern for the patient.  Apparently it can though, for with my own situation,  the spinal X-rays of mine were refused to be shared between my chiropractor and doctors.  This has to be unethical!  even unlawful.  Isn't it?

Today I'm so weary after yesterday's trip, so again another day wasted in trying to move my sluggish body about.  Ah, shucks and it is coming a most gorgeous day. 

Those days won't last much longer; in fact, I had to close all windows and turn on some heat this morning.  Another concern, since it is still August!  No heat usually needed until the beginning of October.  I knew when seeing all the spiderwebs resting on the dewy grass over the last few weeks that we might be in for some 'unhappy chills' before that season's time.


Take good care of yourselves today.  Make every moment count.  Life is very short and it can be very hard.  We just maybe don't realize it enough.  Peggy brings that reminder home to me now.