Saturday, May 30, 2009

Let's Have a Grin***

Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army

Dear Ma and Pa: Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food.

But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed gain. It aint no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different.

A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks.

The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some.
The Capt. is like the school board.
Colonels and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing.

I keep gettin medals for shootin. I don't know why.

The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move.

And it ain't shooting back, like the Higgett boys at home.

All you got to do is lay there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellows get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Yore lovin daughter,

Monday, May 25, 2009

A Remarkable Parrot ***

Three children left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.” Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. “Milton,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house. “Gerald,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!” “But Donald,” she said, “the little chicken you sent was delicious!”

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Time For Grins ***

Today's kids are very smart.
High School Prank

Who says today's kids aren't smart? Well, some of them are!
At a high school in Montana a group of students played a prank on the school.
They let three goats loose in the school.
Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2 and 4.
Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.

and another grin coming on:

If at first you don't succeed,...well, so much for skydiving. - Victor O'Reilly

A troop of Boy Scouts were being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.
One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours.
When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone home..."

and last but not least:

"Time spent laughing is time spent with the Gods." ~Japanese Proverb

Many of us might feel like Morris! A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall, and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" "Morris Fishbein," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a wall."

Saturday, May 16, 2009

When Insults Had Class ***

(No 4-letter vernacular) These glorious, insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A Member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

Friday, May 15, 2009

Louis Kronenberger remark ***

Many people today don't want honest answers insofar as honest means unpleasant or disturbing, They want a soft answer that turneth away anxiety."
Louis Kronenberger - (1904-1980)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Profound Quotes for Today ***

"I believe that if we had and would keep our dirty, bloody, dollar-soaked fingers out of the business of these nations so full of depressed, exploited people, they will arrive at a solution of their own - and if unfortunately their revolution must be of the violent type because the "haves" refuse to share with the "have-nots" by any peaceful method, at least what they get will be their own and not the American style, which they don't want and above all don't want crammed down their throats by Americans. " _General David M. Shoup, Commandant of the Marine Corps 1960-63, winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor - Source: May 14, 1966

"He who is not angry when there is just cause for anger is immoral. Why? Because anger looks to the good of justice. And if you can live amid injustice without anger, you are immoral as well as unjust." Aquinas

"I don't know a more irreligious attitude, one more utterly bankrupt of any human content, than one which permits children to be destroyed." - Daniel Berrigan

"I have the audacity to believe that people everywhere can have: three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds - and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits" - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I, Too, Sing America by Langston Hughes ***

It appears I have much to learn for there are still problems being encountered. One of my readers wished to post the following poem here, but without success. It contains a message for us all to ponder upon.
From the Academy of American Poets

I, too, sing America.
I am the darker brother.
They send me to eat
in the kitchen
When company comes,
But I laugh,
And eat well,
And grow strong.

I'll be at the table
When company comes.
Nobody'll dare
Say to me,
"Eat in the kitchen"

They'll see how beautiful I am
And be ashamed--
I, too, am America.

(I AM OBAMA!) Thank you, Phillip, for "tossing this pebble into the stream" today.

Friday, May 1, 2009

" The risk of catching swine flu must be millions to one." ***

Swine Flu?

A Panic Stoked in Order to Posture and Spend:
By Simon Jenkins
Health scares enable media-hungry doctors, public health officials and drugs companies to benefit by manipulating fright. Here

We'd all most likely be much better off by turning off, tuning out the media giants. Its all a ploy to instill fear into us. Always investigate - Again and again.

I Can't Believe - This From Stanford University ***

Condi Rice Pulls A Nixon:

When the President Does It, That Means It is Not Illegal

By Cenk Uygur

April 30, 2009 "Huffington Post" -- Condoleezza Rice was recently speaking at Stanford when students asked her an excellent question on waterboarding and torture. They have her answer on tape and it isn't pretty. Condi Rice absolutely pulls a Nixon.