Monday, May 31, 2010

This Cat Died and... ***

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said,
"You have always been a good cat all these years. Anything you want
is yours for the asking."

The cat thought for a moment and then said,"All my life I lived on a farm
and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep
on. God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they went to
Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer
that He made the cat.

The mice said, "Well, we've had to run all our lives: from cats, dogs,
and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller
skates, we would not have to run again."

God answered,"It is done."All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her
sound asleep on her fluffy pilllow. God gently awakened the cat and
asked, "Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you

The cat replied, "Oh it's WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in
my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you
have been sending over are delicious."

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Time for a Laugh ***

Judy Jam can't sleep so she goes to her psychiatrist.

"Doctor, I want to talk to you about my husband, Jerry.

"What about him" asks the psychiatrist, with seeming interest?

"He thinks he is a refrigerator, and so do I."

"That's not so bad," says the shrink, "it is a rather harmless complex."

"Well, maybe not for him," replies Judy, "but he sleeps with his mouth open...and the light keeps me awake."

Watch what you read!
A man with a woeful expression on his face was talking to his best friend.

"I'm really worried," he said.


"Well, my wife read The Tale of Two Cities and we had twins.

Later she read The Three Musketeers and we had triplets.

Now she is reading Birth of a Nation!"

Two Irishmen, Patrick and Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat, following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions. Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to it, Parick blurted out, "Make the whole ocean into Guiness Beer."

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going, Patrick. Now we're going to have to pee in the boat."

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried again - same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. Again he fell on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright.., but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN."

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out, he said, "What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

Friday, May 28, 2010

A Younger Willie Nelson ***

An earlier picture - see his braids? Oh, how I love his music.
I had to do this second post to get this picture up. Still having trouble and frustration with posting. Just about ready to throw in the towel with blogging.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Did Willie Get a Wild Hair Too? ***

There is a news item from AP today telling that Willie Nelson has cut off his braids (pigtail are what little girls sport) Willie's braids were long. I liked them. I can't give you the link as I can't copy and paste anything anymore.

Hmm, his hair doesn't look good now either but at least he has a lot left versus that shorned crown in the next picture below. After posting this yesterday, I realized something wasn't just right with his appearance. He used to have gray braids. Now his hair is red! But naturally it is red, way back when.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

We Don't Need Any Grounds! ***

I have just finished listening to an audio that was recorded at the US/Canada border. The man and his wife trying to cross into the United States to go shopping are being questioned quite aggressively by the border guard. I am stunned knowing this technique is being employed; to know what position we are actually in; being under all the protective measures we now enjoy (or is employed). Watch it; its only a bit under ten minutes.

"We don't need any grounds. We are the United States."

What to expect if you don't kiss the asses of the morons at the U.S. border

I know there are more sides than one to everything; sadly I am only hearing the one. The motorist and his wife are being overly questioned and he's jailed for not showing deference to the "Uniforms".

What is happening to our world...our only place to call home?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Hair and Hay ***

Very interesting; playground simple; but what do we do with the oily stuff afterward?

The process is so simple. Its found that human (and otherwise) hair will also work. Though in this current situation, it calls for mega doses.

Simple? Yes but where can the needed amount be found? A big choice here: save the marine life and shores or feed the farm animals.

Then there was an article I just read about dog groomers banding together and donating the dogs' hair in helping clean up the mess.

This discovery seems to have been made by one man who performs in the beauty salon industry. Spurred by the Valdez "incident" several years ago, and knowing that hair absorbs oil, he wove a mat of clippings of human hair and...viola...end of story.

You have probably heard of all this but if not, just type in the pertinent words and again...viola...lots of information on the internet.

It's a Viola day!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Learned Man ***

No useless wanderings today; just observations from someone who knows more than I ever could. These first few short words of Teilhard de Chardin opened my eyes several years ago. They certainly give a different perspective. Knowledge that is hidden can be found; its just a matter of broadening the ability of the mind.

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human exerience.
Teilhard de Chardin

Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Stretch to New Dimensions ***

"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." -Oliver Wendall Holmes

Each and every experience takes us a bit forward on the Path, so let's stretch, reach forward and see where we go.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Call Them "Holy Bloopers"

This giggle list was sent to me by a friend. Share it.

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
These may give you a giggle before retiring for the night. Giggles are good sleeping medicine.

Adoration...Just Pure Adoration ***

Isn't this precious? A friend has several cats. She wakes each morning with one staring her in the eyes, waiting for the action to begin...dinnertime!