Maybe you can use one too. Got these from Funny Quotes. Check the link at the bottom of the page for more to make you laugh
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
... and I saved the best for last:
Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
Pass them on, for laughter is very healing, you know.