Yes, they are really true *

Yes, they are really true.  Wading through piles of saved papers today (I'm such a slob), hoping to make a dent in all the mess, I came across one sheet that has been surviving in my clutter for thirteen long years.  Today I'll toss it in the trash.  This particular paper sure shows its age and abuse - brown, wrinkled, crinkled and tattered.  Yet before the toss, I will share it all with you.

Ha,Ha, (grin) Ha.  I'm not the only one who fails to edit.  So, here we go.  Enjoy your laughter.

                                                          REAL ADS

1.  Illiterate?  Write today for free help.
2.  Auto Repair service.  Free pick-up and delivery.  Try us once, you'll never go                anywhere again.

3.  Our experienced Mom will care for your child.  Fenced yard, meals and smacks included.

4.  Dog for sale; eats anything and is fond of children.
5.  Man wanted to work in dynamite factory.  Must be willing to travel.
6.  Stock up and Save.  Limit: one
7.  Semi-Annual After-Christmas sale.
8.  3-year old teacher needed for preschool.  Experience preferred.
9.  Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
10.  Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
11.  For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
12.  Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home.
13.  We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand.
14.   Great Dames for sale.
15.   Have several very old dresses from my grandmother in beautiful condition.
16.   Tired of cleaning yourself?  Let me do it.
17.   Vacation special: Have your home terminated.
18.   Get rid of your aunts.  Zap does the job in 24 hours.
19.   Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.  Automatically burns toast.   (turns?)

20.  For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.   (heated?)
21.  Man. Honest. Will take anything.
22.  Used cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated?  Come here first.
23.  Christmas tag sale.  Handmade gifts for the hard to find person.
24.  Wanted: Hair Cutter.  Excellent growth potential.
25.  Wanted: Man to take care of a cow that does not smoke or drink.
26.  And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
27.  We will oil your sewing machine and adjust the tension in your home for $10.