Some Funnies that Tickled My Bones ***

Stay! !
I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, 'Now you stay. Do you hear me?' 'Stay! Stay!'

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park"?


Humorous Sayings
Ah, being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

And it's even worse when you forget to pull it down.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that
it is such a nice change from being young.

Not Alabama!
How fast rumors spread...All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition. A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia, they sure ain't doin' it to Alabama!!


and the best for last!

AN OLD FARMER

AN OLD FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE. THE

TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?" THE OLD FARMER

SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES." "I'M SORRY

SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER" THE

OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS

OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED

THE THEATER. HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND

MARGE. THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD

FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH

THE MOVIE. "MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED. "WHAT?" SAID MARGE. "I THINK THE

GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT." "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED. "WELL,

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL" "I

THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN!"