I Just Had a Belly Laugh; Now It's Your Turn ***

Tennessee Declares War on the USA



 President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

 "Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is

 Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Memphis , and I am callin' to

 tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"



 "Well Archie," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news!

 How big is your army?"



 "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my

 cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from

 Hooters. That makes eight!"



 Barack paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my

 army waiting to move on my command."



 "Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"

 Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. “Mr. Obama, the war is still

 on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"



 "And what equipment would that be Archie?" Barack asked.



 "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry’s farm tractor."



 President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks

 and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one

 and a half million since we last spoke."



 "Lord above", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."



 Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. “President Obama! I am sorry

 to have to tell you that we have had to call off this here war."



 "I'm sorry to hear that" said Barack. "Why the sudden change of heart?"



 Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat

 over sweet tea, and come to realize that there's just no way we can feed

 that many prisoners."



 SOUTHERN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN

 If you are a REAL Southerner, you won't even need to be told to pass this

 on!

They didnt have the green thing in her day ***

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that she

should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren't good for
the environment. The woman apologized to him and explained,

We didn't have the green thing back in my day.


The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. The former generation
did not care enough to save our environment."


He was right, that generation didn't have the green thing in its day.


Back then, they returned their milk bottles, soda bottles and beer
bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be
washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles
over and over. So they really were recycled.


But they didnt have the green thing back in that customer's day.


In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator
in every store and office building.

They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks.


But she was right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.


Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the
throw-away kind.
They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling
machine burning up 220 volts wind and solar power really did dry the
clothes.

Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters,
not always brand-new clothing.


But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her
day.


Back then, they had one TV, or radio in the house not a TV in every
room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not a
screen the size of the state of Montana. 

In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. They cut up their own fruits and vegetables because they didn't have a food processor.

When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.


Back then, they didnt fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut
the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power.

They exercised by working so they didnt need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.


But shes right, they didnt have the green thing back then.


They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water.

They refilled their writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen,
and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole
razor just because the blade got dull.


But they didnt have the green thing back then.


Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes
to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a
24-hour taxi service.

They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances.

They didnt need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.


But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful the old
folks were just because they didn't have the green thing back then?


Those were the days my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way. La la la la...


Those were the days, oh yes, those were the days

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD ***

Needing a bit of Healing Laughter?
I bet you have read this one before.  It's still funny AND EDUCATIONAL.


*HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE like me.

George, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi,was going up to bed,

when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which

she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go

turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing

from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your

doors and an officer will be along when one is available."


George said, "Okay."


He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed... Well, you don't have to worry about them now
because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right
now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.


One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot
them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"



*( True Story ) I LOVE IT! *



*Don't mess with old people. *



*Live well, laugh often, love much!!! *

From Me to All Mothers - Your Mother Too ***

A Special Day for A Special Relationship

Happy Easter ***

                                 Happy Easter to You

                    May Your Day Be Filled With

                    Love,
                                                                      
                                          Peace,

                                            Sunshine,

                                                             Beauty

                                                                          Gratitude



             My Gratitude to You, Each and Every Day. 

Strange Visitor *** insect

This insect is one never seen before or since....by me, that is.  Have you? It was one and a half inches long.