Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Summer House Guest, A Writer

This beautiful creature resided among the house plants all summer 2005.  Summer of 2006 a smaller one resided by the front door.  Fascinated and amazed by the zigzags. 
 
 
 
2+ Inches Small

 




Information found on internet:
In North America, Argiope aurantia is commonly known as the black and yellow garden spider, zipper spider, corn spider, and writing spider, because of the similarity of the web stabilimenta to writing.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

What a Voice

You may know or not that I don't understand words of a song, so I actually don't know what a song is about.  Even so, I feel I get so much more pleasure listening to the melody and the voice sometimes takes me "out".  Antony's voice is so pure.  He's an English fellow.  I close my eyes to concentrate and the voice soared for me.  Hope you too enjoy.  He's frumpy looking, unkempt hair but Oh!, his voice.  There is back ground information at Wikipedia.  The genre is Chamber Pop - never heard the term before.
Now close your eyes, relax and enjoy the experience.
image








Antony Hegarty (born 1971), often referred to simply as Antony,[1] is an English singer, composer, and visual artist, best known as the lead singer of the band Antony and the Johnsons.
Antony was born in the town of Chichester, South East England, in 1971. In 1981 Antony's family moved to the San Francisco Bay Area in the United States. Becoming influenced by British synthpop, in 1990 he moved to Manhattan, New York to study at New York University, where he founded a performance art collective (Blacklips) with Johanna Constantine.
Entering a musical career, he began performing with an ensemble of NYC musicians as Antony and the Johnsons.

The Nature of Bitterness

 Often I come across some writing that strikes a chord and will save it in a folder for further reading and study.  Here is one of such.  Who wrote it I do not know but is a good teaching lesson for me and possibly you also.

"Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing. It is natural to feel resentment or anger when life does not unfold as expected. We consciously or unconsciously anticipated one experience, and we grieve for the loss of it when the universe puts something else in our path. Most of the time, we work through these feelings and they pass. Occasionally, our anger and resentment do not fade and are instead transformed into bitterness. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing and choose instead to identify with our pain. Yet as unwholesome as bitterness can be, it is also a natural element of our emotional palette. When we acknowledge that it is okay to feel bitter, we reconnect with our hurt in a constructive way and can begin the process of working through it.

The nature of bitterness is rooted in the fact that the pain we feel provides us with a rationale. We may feel that we deserve to embrace our bitterness to its full extent. And to be bitter is, in essence, to cut ourselves off from all that is positive, hardening our hearts and vowing never to let go of our hurt. But just as bitter feelings can be self-defeating, so too can the release of bitterness be life-affirming in a way that few other emotional experiences are. When we decide that we no longer want to be bitter, we are reborn into a world filled with delight and fulfillment unlike any we knew while in the clutches of bitterness. The veil it cast over our lives is lifted, letting light and warmth touch our souls.

Divesting yourself of bitter feelings can be as simple as truly forgiving and moving on. Even when your bitterness has no concrete object, you can forgive situations too. Healing pain can be challenging but may be easier if you remind yourself that you are the only entity truly affected by your emotional state. In time, you will discover that letting go of your bitterness frees you to initiate the healing process and allows you to once again celebrate the possibility of the more wonderful life you deserve."

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Dahlia Wasfi

 Anyone Who Supports War Needs To Listen To This -  Dahlia Wasfi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OXE0C19LQAE

Friday, August 8, 2014

Solid 'Yeses"

My belief was that if you gave all of yourself, to what you believed was right, then that would be enough. 
          _Jane Hawking



It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
          _Meg




“We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” 
          —Mother Teresa

Sunday, August 3, 2014

A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
                                                    Mahatma Gandhi

Everything Happens For a Reason

Everything Happens For a Reason.  Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.
They serve some sort of purpose or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be, your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you and at the time seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize without overcoming these obstacles, you would never have realized your potential,  strength, your will power of heart.
Everything happens for a reason.  Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck.  Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul.
Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smooth paved road to nowhere, safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are.  Even the bad experience can be learned from...those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart,  forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would never have seen or felt without them.
Make every day count.  Make every moment count and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.
 Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen; let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high.
 You can make of your life anything you wish.  Create your own life, then go out and live it.
I wish you all the best in your endeavors as well as struggles in life.  Have a fighting spirit and never hesitate to get back into the struggle.
Author unknown

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Dementia be Damned, Creeping Mode Today, Life, a Real Test of Time

    Here I sit, three hours into the day, creeping about online, creeping about the house.  It may just be an all day situation of creeping for me.  Achy, pain and stiffness from toenails to hair follicles.  Dementia?  Must not talk about that! ....

    ...only to say it IS.  It is really a weird experience to have a clear enough mind to 'stand aside' and be able to see this happening to me, daily becoming the "new self".

    My mother had no sign of dementia (a sharp and beautiful lady), yet she had pain everywhere, for eight long months, not in all areas at the same time though.  I finally realize what she was going through - no doctor ever diagnosed her correctly but they kept sending her to a new specialist - "Let's see what Dr. SoandSo thinks".  I remember once one doctor sent her to another because of excruciating foot pain, when she'd suffered so much with other issues for several months and no clue what was going on (Docs are like car mechanics in my judgment) and often consider the patient a hypochondriac. That's when I angered, I recall and wondering why the many diagnoses being given by all these many different doctors  ....and MEDICINES, unbelievable - "Here, Let's try this".  No heart problems, no back problems they said ( she cried with back pain), 'gastro' issues? Not at all.

At the last an ICU nurse informed us over the phone that she was "fine".  I went to work.  An hour later she was dead and blue, swelling like a balloon!  No one had a clue what had happened!  Scary, very scary.  I fear the system!  They wanted permission AND money to do an autopsy.  We emphatically said NO.

On arising this morning it was so painful to walk twenty feet to the bathroom - I just felt like every tiny bone in my feet was broken. I thought about Mom last night, being gone for over 25 years now.  Where has the time gone?  Whooshed on by.

    After Mom's death we watched Dad go downhill for seven long years; reaching a pitiful condition his last three years on earth. Now he seriously had dementia, as his mother did also.  He and she both displayed no signs of such until they each lost their spouse.

    Grandma would repeat the same question often, over and over without drawing a good breath between her questions.  Oh, how pathetic she was and this constant repeating things was hard to cope with for some of the family and probably would have been for me too if I'd been around her often.  But I kept my cool, calmly answering her questions each and every time.  Yet that will wear you out, make no mistake believing otherwise.  After leaving her is when I would finally realize how upsetting the questioning sessions could really be for those around her daily.  Yet I mentally chastised them.  I felt there was NO excuse for them speaking to their mother in such hateful impatience - Dad never treated her this way but he was with her only each Sunday.  It hurt me so deeply seeing this happening and watching Grandma shrink within herself from the verbal abuse.

    I once and ONLY once lost it with Daddy, when in the middle of the night on jerking awake, hearing an ungodly crash, glass shattering.  Found him in the middle of all these broken 'treasures' Mom had collected.   Scared the whap out of me, just knowing he was cut and bleeding  ...to death even.  No such tragedy though; although, why he wasn't cut and bloody was a mystery and a miracle. Took me a solid hour to clean the mess up.  Now because I used that word 'miracle' don't think of me as a "Christian fanatic".  Not even close, dear reader!

    Poor Daddy had been trying to find the bathroom in pitch dark, had turned right instead of left.  I thought I'd never get him off the floor, back to his room and the potty chair, then into his hospital bed.  He weighed no more than 90 pounds but I had the strength of a sick kitten by this time and my back was shot from being the main caretaker for months without cease and rarely a free hour and outside help.  I fussed at him and saw him shrink within like Grandma had.  I've never lost my sorrow and grief of hurting him.

    Over the years, since he died almost 18 years ago, I've seen this situation so often with poor elderly patients, those living in nursing homes.  It is shattering to watch; just criminal!  I wouldn't put a dog in one of the places again. Never! They are money-making prisons.   I hope I still have strength to carry out my plan before the time arrives for my own possible/probable move to a nursing home.  I really do hope for this, although it will cause terrible trauma for those left behind.  A quick death is better than a lingering, agonizing experience.  I understand things much better than I did two or so years ago.  I just lost a friend, who'd lived for 15 years in several different nursing homes, succumbing finally of great and tragic pain from cancer.  Bernice had a large family.  Six children that produced the "largeness"

We never realize words that we speak are so often misconstrued by the listener, especially when having no clue what is behind the words.  I believe this is often the case though.  It is for me with my children; the 'brats' don't understand a thing I'm telling them anymore, it seems.  I've become the child, she the mother with one of my very beloved 'brats'.  She doesn't hold back, hesitate to give me 'what for' so often.  Sometimes, we have a verbal battle.  Invariably though, she later realizes she has hurt me, (deeper actually than she realizes) with her harsh words and judging and apologizes.  Yet, words once said can never be unsaid; they reverberate on and on.  Yet she has her life-long medical issues and now also going through mid-life crises.  Ah, life.  It is a real experience, isn't it?

A note here:  I've NEVER referred to my children as 'brats' and only do so here facetiously;  I KNOW what fine grown-ups they are and what good children they were growing up.  Too bad we can't go back again, a repeat and do better job, after we see mistakes we made the first go-round; to have total patience with little tots, having learned how to raise our kids "after the fact".  We don't have them 'little' for very long, I've realized only "after the fact" can we look back and see the mistakes we made.

Little Lane is almost four; it is hard, so very hard, to comprehend that he's growing up so fast.  I heard his grasp of vocabulary is astounding.  I bet he spouts like a prof.   I have a few books saved up for next time I have a visit with him.  He loves to 'read' and be read to, treasures his books.

 I read once long ago that if parents read to an the unborn baby that it increases their intellect so greatly; music (real music!) enhances this also.  My creed is "Let them do their 'thing' (in safety, of course), let them explore their world without our constant input and direction.  That is the best way for them to become independent, strong individuals.

 Look around and you will see so many grown people who are not those who stand on their own, have no clue how to be fully-functioning intelligent mature individuals - often mere Explosions waiting to blow! (I recently had an encounter with an Explosion!) Of course this situation isn't and can't be placed totally upon a parent's shoulders.  It's a messed up world today and getting messier.

I do believe my creeping has eased up a bit.  It's about time.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Right Click May Work

My blog, this one, was deleted yesterday.  What a shock that was.  I was only working with my settings, changing a bit here, a tad there.  I got on Hermit's blog where mine is listed in his favorites list.  Clicked on it.  Again the same message "this blog has been deleted".  Cuss it!  I went back to Hermit's, did a right click.  Up my blog came but could do nothing with it except stare at the opening page.

Now, here I am tapping on the keyboard.  I expect the worst as usual seeing:  "This blog has been deleted".

I have no more clues how to fix matters as nothing has worked so far except the right click this time and my surprise at success.  We shall see.  "What will be, will be"  as Doris Day sang "Que Sera, Sera."  You probably never heard of Doris.  She was long before your time - most likely.  A beautiful clear voice that I loved to listen to.