Thursday, February 25, 2010

Pain Relief ***

I'm guilty of snitching this from Edifice Rex...done without malice... to give the rest of you a good laugh this day.

Wayne has left a new comment on the post "Lost My Driving Wheel": There once was a man who had a severe headache. He searched and searched thru the cupboards and drawers looking for tylenol or anything that would relieve his discomfort. He searching was in vain except a bottle of Midol that his wife had in the medicine cabinet. Taking two pills he felt remarkable better within just minutes. Having such a profound effect on his headache and even seeming to lift his spirits some he began taking midol for all his aches and pains. All was well for a short time. His headaches were cured but for some strange reason he becomes a real prick just about every 28 days. (Here's hoping for a giggle that might make ya feel better)

A doctor... healing laughter ***

... examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all.

"Me neither doc" said the husband, "but she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Good Question from Cheeky Quotes ***

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you 30 cents?
Anonymous

I Want to Share With You ***

I just love this. I found it in a file tucked back in a corner of the computer. I had bought it at a booth during the Indian Festival held every year at Sycamore park, but never having seen the words before.

I have always longed for knowledge of our American Natives, to be among them and learn who they are. I have Cherokee in my veins. My great-grand-mother was the daughter of the tribal chief I found the name Little Fawn in ancestry research. I am curious to learn more.

I hope you enjoy reading the poem below. I can imagine it being written by a very ancient spiritual native. A shaman is so very wise.

I’m Not Here

Don’t stand by my grave and weep
For I’m not there, I do not sleep,
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamonds glint on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.
When you awaken in morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circle flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die.

Healing Laughter ***

Healing Laughter

"Time spent laughing is time spent with the Gods." ~Japanese Proverb

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant, when applying to NYU where he now attends.

3A. ESSAY IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat . 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Grins Brighten Gloomy Days ***

"Betty," called the teacher, "tell me the meaning of the word 'trickle'."

"To run slowly," said Betty.

"Quite right," said the teacher. "Now tell me the meaning of the word 'anecdote'."

"A short funny tale," said Betty.

"Good girl," said the teacher. "Now see if you can give me a sentence with both those words in it."

Betty thought for a moment, and then said, "Yes, I know. Our dog trickled down the street wagging his anecdote."


Irish Smiles

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years. Yet, he will kill any man who does.

~

Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.


....and over on Merles's Third Try,http://merle-3rdtimelucky.blogspot.com/2010/02/two-wolves.html/2010/02/two-wolves.html you will find much to laugh over. She's posted some real funnies today.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Kids are the Straightest Shooters ***

All seriousness aside; time to grin.

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Dallas when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said politely to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.

OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first.'

'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces big round clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea...'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know poop?

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Medical Corruption or What? ***

Have you ever pondered the fact that you and many you know all take certain drugs for the same ailments? Well, this news article might help to clarify the why. Who in their right mind would turn down the opportunity to accrue $500 an hour for sitting on their rump?  ! I'd like to know their hourly fee before the congressional investigation.

No wonder my doctor fired me for refusing her choice of drugs (She stated: never mind the side effects, you need it). I imagine she had a certain quota of 'specific drugs prescribed' to meet or she wouldn't get her bonus; whether they harmed a patient or not. Now I understand why I saw so many salesmen with their bags of samples each appointment I kept. When new drugs come out, patients are literally guinea pigs until safety or the lack of is established. If one doesn't work, another is prescribed to 'try' and see how it works. I've thought about this a lot. Read on.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 by: Ethan A. Huff, staff writer
Corruption of physicians by Big Pharma now "limited" to $500 an hour

NaturalNews) Congressional investigation over the unethical relationships between doctors and drug companies has led to a change in policy at Partners HealthCare, a Boston based hospital system affiliated with Harvard Medical School, that prohibits its physicians who sit on the boards of various biotechnology and pharmaceutical companies from receiving company stock and unlimited fees for their presence. They are now limited to only $500 an hour, or $5,000 a day, for their services which include things like attending board meetings.

The fact that about 25 vice presidents, clinical department heads, and other top executives in the system will be affected by this new rule illustrates the degree to which the medical system has been influenced by pharmaceutical interests. Physicians from top medical centers, including academic ones, often join the ranks of drug companies and are paid top dollar to push various drugs and treatments. They are even paid with company stock.

This blatant conflict of interest is not isolated to Partners, as many different organizations and academic institutions have come under fire by state regulators, Congress, and even hospitals themselves for allowing this practice to occur. Nationally, there has been a heavy push to stop the drug industry's control over doctors whether it be through perks, incentives or comfortable board positions.

The new policy at Partners prohibits doctors from touring the nation as paid drug company spokesmen, a practice commonly utilized by drug companies to promote their products. Partners will not, however, ban its physicians from working for drug companies altogether. They will still be allowed to sit on their boards and receive compensation - it will merely be "reduced" to $500 per hour.

It is virtually impossible for a physician to be both a physician and an executive for a drug company. For the drug company, he will be responsible for helping it achieve financial success, while for the hospital, he will be responsible for objectively treating patients. A physician cannot objectively treat a patient while at the same time be paid to use a company's drugs to treat that patient.

According to Dr. Dennis Auseillo, chief scientific officer at Partners and cochairman of drug-giant Pfizer's science and technology committee, all drug companies have at least a couple physicians on their boards. After being named a director of Pfizer in 2006 himself, Auseillo has received over $700,000 in company stocks and compensation. He plans to continue working for Pfizer under the new rules.

Sources for this story include: http://www.boston.com/news/local/ma...

A Few Statistics on Blessings ***

Often we complain. Often we are so involved with day-to-day matters/solutions that we tend to overlook or push aside the many joys of life. Often I do. Reading the uplifting words below, I thought to share them with you. It brings to mind again how blessed I really am, how often I tend to forget or acknowledge the wealth of love bestowed on me by those surrounding me - a phone call, a smile, a greeting, an unexpected email, a helping hand, the clasp of a tiny hand. A bleak world it would be if it all ceased suddenly and so today I acknowledge the riches of my life.

I Dreamed I Went to Heaven


I dreamed that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received."

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them."

I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing.

"This is the Acknowledgment Section," my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. "How is it that there's no work going on here?" I asked.

"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments."

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked.

"Simple," the angel answered. "Just say, "Thank you, Lord."

What blessings should they acknowledge?

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.

"If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

Also ... "If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day.

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 700 million people in the world.

"If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are envied by and more blessed than three billion people in the world.

"If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare.

If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you are unique to all those in doubt and despair."

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Laughter to Begin Your Day ***

Amish Elevator

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, an obvious 'land of miracles' but they were especially fascinated by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The wide-eyed boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat grey-haired old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed the elevator button.

The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

Fascinated, they silently continued to watch until it reached the last number 8, and then the numbers began to light up in the reverse order...7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, etc.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, grabbed his boy by his shoulder and said, quietly but with notable urgency .....

'Quick son! Go get your mother.'

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Simple Solutions with Apple Cider Vinegar ***

No wonder I have computer problems. There is enough information stored on each of them to fill a few books and that doesn't include the books! Going through much information today and ridding myself of "much of that much", I am glad I did hit SAVE so often for I had forgotten what I have. Here is a bit of information that might be of interest to use if you "got a yen" to get away from harmful chemicals.

For myself there are no better solutions to use than baking soda or vinegar. They will clean about anything that needs cleaning and do a far better job than all the expensive cleaning products we find on store shelves, while leaving no residue or the need to rinse as soaps or other products require

Simple Solutions:

Now science tells us that it promotes blood circulation in the small blood capillaries that irrigate the skin. It is also antiseptic, combating yeasts, viruses, and bacteria that can cause infection.

Apple cider vinegar is rich in alpha-hydroxy acids, helping to dissolve fatty deposits on the skin's surface and reducing scaly conditions, promoting a softer, smoother appearance.

This miracle fluid also regulates the pH of the skin.

You won't believe how many ways apple cider vinegar can be used to promote healthier skin and hair! Find out some of the couldn't-be-simpler ways to put it to work for you, below:

1. Hair rinse: Apple cider vinegar gets rid of residue build-up on hair, leaving it soft and shiny. Mix 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar with 1 quart water and use as a final rinse after shampooing.

2. Stain remover: If your hands are stained from chopping berries, dab some straight apple cider vinegar on the stains and they'll disappear like magic.

3. Tired, swollen hands or feet: Rub a little apple cider vinegar on tired, sore, or swollen hands or feet and feel the soothing difference.

4. Overnight facial: Get rid of blemishes and make your skin more youthful by patting apple cider vinegar on your face before bed. You'll have softer, smoother skin in the morning!

5. Sunburn bath: If you've been singed by the sun, find soothing relief by adding a cupful of apple cider vinegar to your bath and soaking for 10 minutes.

6. Topical skin burns: apply ice-cold apple cider vinegar to prevent blistering.

7. Lightening age spots: Dab areas with straight apple cider vinegar and leave on overnight.

8. Dandruff fighter: Mix 1 part apple cider vinegar to 3 parts warm water to balance scalp pH and control dandruff. You can also apply undiluted vinegar to the scalp. Allow it to penetrate, then shampoo with a mild shampoo.

This is just a few. Experiment for yourself with other uses.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Worth Repeating ***

Reading a few blog posts lately and other reminders that we all age a bit more each day and that life passes by quickly and though we, none of us, wish or want it to fly by nor end, it too soon does so. It is in our latter years that our days seem to go by faster, zipping away and we can look back and think: if only I had known and used my time to better use.

I first came to the realization of this when we lost one family member or friend after another and somehow, just by chance one day, I happened upon the following words of "Slow Dance".

I have no recall where I came upon the words but immediately when finished reading, I felt that Providence had allowed me to read the poem at a most propitious time when I was at that stage in the throws of grief from the loss of my father just days before.

Today I do not feel that anything happens by chance; I think all of life's occurrences are synchronized in one manner or another and that we do not and cannot see the big picture. Sometimes a person can look back and see why something happened and connect that to something else and so forth but only afterward.

I fully believe that everything, no matter how minor or major, that we experience in life is a lesson given to us that we may learn from and in the process grow in understanding of what life is all about. Life tends to teach us daily to become aware; aware that we are each connected and a tiny part of the whole of the universe.

And so I learned from reading the following to slow down, look around, open my eyes, mind and heart; to become more aware. I hope you too may gain more understanding of your life after you've read the poem.

I've never tried to find the source of it, the author. It may even be words to a popular song. Just knowing the beauty and profoundness of the message has been enough for me. Somewhere within my blog I have posted the words once before but I felt they are worthy of repeating.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun in the fading light?

You better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly
When you ask "How are You"?, do you hear the reply?
When the day is gone, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last.

Ever told your child, "we'll do it tomorrow"
And in your haste not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time to call and say Hi?

You'd better slow down
don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
you miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like and unopened gift....thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower.
Hear the music before the song is over.

One Cheeky Quote ***

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'
Joan Rivers

Sunday, February 7, 2010

I've Heard Cars Can Run On Water But ....

Sister Mary Ann's Gasoline.

Sister Mary Ann worked for a home health agency and was making
her rounds visiting homes, when she ran out of gas. She walked to
the service station only a block away. They could not help her
as their only gas can they had been loaned out but she could not wait.

Sister Mary Ann returned to her car and looked for something to hold gas
and spotted the bedpan she was taking to a client. She took it back to
the service station and gets it filled with gasoline.

As she was pouring it into her tank, two Baptists were watching from
across the street. One turned to the other and said:

"If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Can This Possibly Be True? ***

September/October 2009 Project: Libraries
Posted 16 September 2009 By Barista
Earlier this week, I read that ALL the public libraries in the city of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, will be closed effective October 2nd, because of state budget issues. Not just one branch, the entire library system. While I don’t live anywhere near Philadelphia, and while I personally prefer bookstore-cafes to libraries, I grew up haunting the public libraries in various cities, and this strikes me as deeply tragic.

If this is true it is deeply worrying. Libraries are the only free institution for the public in America.

Monday, February 1, 2010

A Time to Laugh ***

An Irishman is walking home late at night and sees a woman lurking in the shadows.

"Twenty quid," she whispers.

Paddy had never had a hooker before, but decides - what the hell, it's only twenty quid. So he joins her in the bushes.

They're going at it for a couple of minutes when, all of a sudden, a light flashes on them. It's a police officer.

"'What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.

"I'm making love to me wife," the Irishman answers sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know"

''Well, needer did I," says Paddy, "til ya shoined dat light in her face!!"

New Blog and A Dog Named Jasmine ***


If you love animals and who doesn't, you just must read the story about Jasmine over at Merle's Third Try. Makes one ponder. I think you will love it and the pictures. The link to Merle' blog is over to the left. Check out this beautiful Greyhound story. This picture shows Jasmine with two other dogs, a young roe deer, a rabbit and of all things, an owl perching on Jasmines haunch and all of them very contented. I think this is amazing and makes me think of words which say, "and the lion will lie down with the lamb". Enjoy.